To Die Daily.....

Published Monday, June 25, 2007 by Joshua | E-mail this post

At the end of some days I feel so lost and confused. I don't get it. Where did I go wrong to feel like I have accomplished nothing? Why do I feel like I am just spinning my wheels. Is it because I haven't just dropped everything and gone into ministry like I feel God is calling me to do? I am working on getting to a point where I can go into the ministry but how can I do that when I haven't paid off my debts? How can I go from so close to God to so far away in a matter of a few days or weeks? I still feel like I am slowly getting closer to the goal of doing what He wants for me and what He has asked me to do. And most days I feel quite close to Him. But today I feel far away. Farther away than ever. Perhaps trapped in my own cynical thinking. Entangled in my own web that I have woven for myself.

Here I am broken again I am lost
Living in Sin and shame while you bear the cost
Surviving somehow but not feeling like I'm alive
Sitting back idly as days pass me by

In all that I've seen and all that I've learned
I know you are with me in every move I make
Yet somehow still my steps are unsure
Never feeling the boldness that I should

I must relearn and I must rethink
How to come to you how to live in your light
How to wrap myself in your love
How to die daily...... the only way I will know I am truly Alive

Wow, so....that just came to me. Not sure what to write after that.