In all the places that I have lived I have never really felt like I was home....but I do now. I love coming home, walking in the door and having two kids screaming "daddy!" come running to hug me. Life doesn't get much better than this. Tomorrow I am taking Shawn to a Tae Kwon Do lesson. I really hope he likes it! He needs something to pour his creative energy into and he also needs something to provide him discipline. Brandy never ceases to amaze me with her creativity. She is definitely an artist. She is also very good at math and very smart but due to her hearing and speach setbacks she has a hard time with reading and spelling and understanding the context of words.

My wife in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner, my kids playing and laughing. The sun sets on another day and I know that God has truly blessed me. And no matter how undeserving I am, I'll take it anyway.

So, Since my last post a lot has happened. I have been a bit busy beacause you see, when God makes a move he makes it big! Back in October of 2007 I was working as a Police Information Center Operator for the Fort Worth Police department. I was dating a little bit but really didn't have the time to devote to anyone because of the shift work at my job and me being constantly exhausted. One day my dad sent me an email about a job that a friend of his was advertising for an IT Support Specialist. I ended up interviewing for the job and accepting an offer for it. Around this same time frame I went and met in person a woman that I had been chatting online with for about a year. We started dating and before I knew it God was showing me that she was the one for me. We are now engaged to get married. Also, in this time frame our worship leader at the church stepped down (we miss you Jim!) and I interviewed there and now am the worship leader for the church. We have signed a contract on a brand new house being built in Willow park, are planning a cruise for our honeymoon, and are planning the wedding for June 28th! Whew! When God pours out His blessings he doesn't play around! I love just about everything about my life now and I am looking forward to a bright future.

Em C2 D2 A
Broken here before the King
Wondering where I've been running
Seeking truth in all I see and wondering what you see in me

Broken heart and open hands
before the throne of grace I stand
I let You're words encompass me
Fill my heart and rescue me

C2 D2 E - (more powerful)
All I am for all its worth
I give to you whats left of me
You shed your blood you gave your all
and I'm giving you everything! (repeat)

I found this song on godtube.com and thought I would share it. Gods grace is never ending! This song is written and performed by Joe Monto. He was kind enough to send me the chords and lyrics and give me permission to use them. If you like the song you should vote for it at http://www.reigndownusa.com/cdentries.html

Who am I that I can choose to worship my God only when I want to? Who am I to put boundaries on His wonderful and never ending grace and love?

True worship has no boundaries. It doesn't start when we step foot in the door of the church or when the music begins or when the pastor begins to speak. Worship is as big as our love is for our God.

Let us worship in our work
Let us worship in the silence
Let us worship when we look into the eyes of our children
Let us worship when the world falls around us
Let us worship when the chaos of the world is unbearable
Let us worship in times of great joy
Let us worship with thanksgiving
Let us worship the indescribable beauty of His creation
Let us worship and celebrate the lifes of our friends and our families
Let us worship Him with every fiber of our being and with every ounce of our strength

Lord show us your power, your grace, your unconditional love and mercy like we have never seen it before.

In the presence of the mighty King
The one who gave his life for me
I lay down all I have and all I am

Once again I start anew
Living in your wondrous glow
Lifting all I have to you

In the chaos and in the noise
You still my heart and mind
And in the silence you create
you speak to me

My worship is all I have to give
I give it all for you
In ALL I do
I give my heart to you

I tried not to think about it. How much I was going to miss all of the people that I have been working with over the past 3 years at the Fort Worth Police Department. But the second I got there on my last day I knew it was going to be a rough day to get through. My coworkers went out of their way to bake me desserts and even to get me a gift (mmmm starbucks) and cards filled with encouraging words. They really made me feel like I would be missed and that the work I had done during my days at police communications was worthwile. I know I will miss everyone there and will keep in touch with several of my good friends there. Lasting friendships should not be taken for granted and should not be let go of so easily.

To those that I have worked with over the past 3 years: officers, dispatchers, supervisors, calltakers and PIC operators. Remember that your job is very important and that you are making a difference in peoples lives. I will miss working with all of you.

Wow! What a beautiful day it turned out to be! And I was off work!!!!

So, unfortunately I didn't get to experience too much of it because I had some necessary tasks to complete in an office. However, I did get out driving in the cool breeze with the stereo blaring. There is nothing like that feeling of freedom going down the freeway listening to my tunes with the cool wind blowing in!

So everything is beautiful
Even when the tears are falling
I don't need a miracle to believe
Even in the crashing down
I can hear redemption calling
And everything is beautiful to me

Written By:
Tim Neufeld, Ed Cash, & Doug McKelvey

D2
I come to you and I lay before your feet
A2
In your arms Lord, your love is all I need
C2 G D2
I long for you, my eyes upon your throne

D2
Your spirit Lord let it come and fill this place
A2
Your power Lord, your mercy and your grace
C2 G D2
Holding me, the world it fades away



D2 A2
Speak to me, in the silence of my mind
C2 G
In the stillness I can’t find any other way
D2 A2
Speak to me, when words are not enough
C2 G
But the fullness of your love is all I need
D2
Your all I need

At the end of some days I feel so lost and confused. I don't get it. Where did I go wrong to feel like I have accomplished nothing? Why do I feel like I am just spinning my wheels. Is it because I haven't just dropped everything and gone into ministry like I feel God is calling me to do? I am working on getting to a point where I can go into the ministry but how can I do that when I haven't paid off my debts? How can I go from so close to God to so far away in a matter of a few days or weeks? I still feel like I am slowly getting closer to the goal of doing what He wants for me and what He has asked me to do. And most days I feel quite close to Him. But today I feel far away. Farther away than ever. Perhaps trapped in my own cynical thinking. Entangled in my own web that I have woven for myself.



Here I am broken again I am lost
Living in Sin and shame while you bear the cost
Surviving somehow but not feeling like I'm alive
Sitting back idly as days pass me by


In all that I've seen and all that I've learned
I know you are with me in every move I make
Yet somehow still my steps are unsure
Never feeling the boldness that I should


I must relearn and I must rethink
How to come to you how to live in your light
How to wrap myself in your love
How to die daily...... the only way I will know I am truly Alive



Wow, so....that just came to me. Not sure what to write after that.

WOW!!!! I am still getting closer and closer to Him everyday. Alot of things are happening right now and I am still changing for the better. I am preparing to go into full-time ministry hopefully within the next year. I am not in as huge of a hurry as I was to begin with but I am definately making progress. I have to work hard and pay off all of my debts as I go so that I will be able to afford living off of a very small salary when I go into the ministry. I have found a tremendous opportunity to interview for a part time virtual (from home) job that would be perfect for me to have while doing ministry. I am thinking about going for the full time equivelant of this job until I am able to pay off my debts and then switch to part time if they will allow me to do so. I can also always work part time doing contract work on computers. I guess all that computer training will pay off after all!! God is so awesome when His plan comes together.

Anyway, the youth at my church are doing a mission trip and instead of going somewhere far away they are going to a local site each day of the week for their projects. So yesterday since I was off work and our youth leader had to go into work for the day I kind of took her spot for first part of the day. I have to say it was a lot of hard work but it was a lot of fun!! We went to the Center of Hope which is an organization that helps needy people in Parker county and serves them food and other such things. We went into their warehouse which was a mess and completely cleaned it out and re-organized it. As a bonus I was able to help them set up one of their donated computers. After all of our hard work for the day I took a break and went and ate dinner with my mom and then headed back to the church to help with the youth again. The youth leader had returned from work and they were getting ready to head to fort worth for putt-putt. I tagged along and almost won but somebody else beat me by two points. So then we went back to the church for worship time where we listened and sang along to some music and then I gave the short talk during worship time. I guess all this is to say that even though I have been striving for this goal of getting back into ministry, yesterday just reminded me of how much I love it and how much I feel like I am with God when I am working with and directing youth. I love the hard work, I love the challenges, and I love the kids. And most of all I love making a difference and seeing the changes in their lives as a result of God's work through me and the other youth leaders. I was made for this!!!

Well, I have yet again managed to come down with either an extremely horrible cold or a sinus infection. I started feeling it coming on somewhere Tuesday evening but didn't think much of it. I just went home and took my vitamin C and some other stuff which usually takes care of the problem. But this time it just got worse...and worse....and worse....Thursday I didn't even think I was gonna be able to roll out of bed but I finally did and called and made a doctors appointment. He gave me an antibiotic and some meds to treat the symptoms (which the insurance company didn't approve until today). I got a good dose of antibiotics in me but was still feeling lousy this morning since I hadn't gotten my other meds yet. I could barely talk and my job kinda requires talking so I had to miss yet another day of work....grrrr....

Anyway, this evening it is not near as bad as it was earlier today and I actually am enjoying the rest of my evening off (what? the 2hrs left of it!!??). I can't sing that well since I am sick but am quite enjoying sitting in my office listening to some awesome worship music and just marvelling at how great my God is. It's gotta be my favorite thing in the world to do and I don't get to do it often. I love my times with God!!.....and I know He loves spending time with me :-).

Forward motion is harder than it seems. However, I am steadily progressing. In my walk with God, in discovering untapped talent that He has given me, in becoming more physically fit so that I may do His will and serve Him, in finding the good in people even when they are not seeing the good in me. I am still moving forward.....and I continue pressing on.


5 Weeks
14 LBs Lost
3% Body Fat Loss

New Music Learned
New Lessons Learned
New Scriptures Learned
New Purpose Being Revealed


OUR GOD IS TRULY AWESOME!!!!

Things don't always work out the way we want them to, or the way we think they will. Sometimes we don't even see it coming. We get hit with some form of pain out of nowhere leaving us feeling desperate and helpless. That's the way life is. Still, it makes us wonder how God can let these things happen to us. How God can just stand by and watch us suffer. Where is God when it really hurts? Maybe God is actually closer to us than we think. Maybe it's when we're in these situations, where everything seems to be falling apart, that God gets an opportunity to remind us of how much he really loves us.

I wrote this in my old blog several years ago:

I think that sometimes we all wonder how God could ever let some of the tragic things in our lives happen. Sometimes life gets so tough that we begin to doubt God's existence. In my experience sharing God with others I have come across many people that just couldn't get past this question. Why does God allow Suffering? So, I decided to tackle this question here. And what better place to begin than the beginning. When God created man he created him innocent. He placed him in a garden with no sin, pain, sorrow, or death. Through sin, man lost his trouble-free paradise. Genesis 3 shows how man's sin caused suffering to enter the world. Eve bit into the apple or the forbidden fruit. Because she disobeyed god, and so did Adam, suffering entered the world. Man - not god - through sin and rebellion, was responsible for bringing suffering into the world. Today, we are directly the cause of 85% of all the suffering in the world. We inflict it upon ourselves. Some of this suffering includes lung cancer, murder, rape, drunken driving accidents, robbery, poverty that arises out of laziness, and more. Another cause of suffering is because the world is in a fallen state due to man's sin. So if sin is causing all of these problems then why didn't God create us without the ability to sin? If he created us without sin we would no longer be human. We would be like machines. There would never be any conflict or harsh words but there would never be any spontaneous love either. God didn't want us to love him because we didn't have a choice. Love isn't really love if you do not have the ability to choose to love. So God gave us the ability to choose. By giving us the ability to choose to love Him, He also had to give us the choice to love other things. Through this choice, sin was created. But isn't God doing something about the worlds suffering? You bet he is. He sent his son to suffer redemptively (Hebrews 2:18; 1 Peter 2:20-24) He Gives grace to us when we suffer. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10) He purifies through suffering when we mix it with faith (Romans 8:18, 28-29) He uses us to help others face their suffering (James 1:27 and 5:14-16; Cor. 1:3,4) God loves us so much that he gave us the choice of love and the choice of sin and then he suffered and paid the price for that sin so all that remains is his overflowing love. All you have to do is accept it and you will be 4Given.

If you live in the DFW area and have not been outside today I have one thing to say to you.
GET OUT THERE!!!
It is a beautiful day. I couldn't make myself go to the gym because the second I stepped outside I felt the warm sun and cool breeze. So I took a walk on the trails by my apartment and I just had to admire the work of a God so powerful yet so gentle with every single delicate creation. So, whether you are at the office, have a million errands to run, or are just sitting at the computer relaxing. Take a few moments to enjoy this beautiful day that God has given us.

It is senseless that these things must happen. Let us pray for those at Virginia Tech.

20 Dead In Virginia Tech Shooting
Last Edited: Monday, 16 Apr 2007, 10:25 AM MDT
Created: Monday, 16 Apr 2007, 10:19 AM MDT
Shootings at a dorm and classroom on the Virginia Tech campus Monday, April 16, 2007, left at least one person dead and one wounded, and a suspect was arrested, authorities said.

-->By SUE LINDSEYAssociated Press Writer
BLACKSBURG, Va. -- Gunfire erupted in a dorm and classroom at Virginia Tech on Monday, killing at least 20 people, authorities said.
The university told students to stay inside and away from windows as police swept the campus and worked to establish whether the gunman acted alone.
A hospital spokeswoman said 17 students were treated for gunshot wounds and other injuries.
On the Web site, Tech reported the shootings at opposite ends of the 2,600-acre campus at West Ambler Johnston, a co-ed residence hall that houses 895 people, and said there were "multiple victims" at Norris Hall, an engineering building.
Government officials with knowledge of the case told The Associated Press there were seven to eight other "casualties."
All entrances to the campus were closed and classes canceled through Tuesday.
"There's just a lot of commotion. It's hard to tell exactly what's going on," said student Jason Anthony Smith, 19, who lives in the dorm where shooting took place.
Aimee Kanode, a freshman from Martinsville, said the shooting happened on the 4th floor of West Ambler Johnston dormitory, one floor above her room. Kanode's resident assistant knocked on her door about 8 a.m. to notify students to stay put.
"They had us under lockdown," Kanode said. "They temporarily lifted the lockdown, the gunman shot again."
"We're all locked in our dorms surfing the Internet trying to figure out what's going on," Kanode said.
Madison Van Duyne, a student who was interviewed by telephone on CNN, said, "We are all in lockdown. Most of the students are sitting on the floors away from the windows just trying to be as safe as possible."
It was second time in less than a year that the campus was closed because of a shooting.
In August 2006, the opening day of classes was canceled and the campus closed when an escaped jail inmate allegedly killed a hospital guard off campus and fled to the Tech area. A sheriff's deputy involved in the manhunt was killed on a trail just off campus.
The accused gunman, William Morva, faces capital murder charges.
Copyright 2007 Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.
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I am constantly changing and this time for the better. On the outside it may seem like a subtle change....maybe even not at all but it is happening slowly. My reasons for beginning a workout routine originally were physical just like anyone else. I noticed that my desk job seemed to be a trap for those extra pounds and I was not very happy about the way I was always sick and always had no energy. But then something happened. Somewhere in the middle of the first week or two of working out God spoke to me and He is still speaking to me this constant message. I'm now changing more than just my outside appearance but my insides too. I go to the gym not only to burn calories but to spend time worshiping God and talking to God as I work out. I take better care of my health because God has a plan for me and I know I have been ignoring it for a long time and I cannot carry out His plan by sitting on the couch. I cannot continue to live without truly living, just going through the motions and not even pausing to wonder why I am doing the things that I am doing. I fall into my routines and forget why I am here.
I saw a animated kids movie last weekend called Meet the Robinsons. At the end of the movie there was a quote by Walt Disney that seemed to fit this message that God is giving me.

“Around here, however, we don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things… and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.” - Walt Disney

So I am changing. This time for the better. And my goal is this: Wherever God may take me, whatever path He leads me on next, I will follow. I will train myself up and go out to serve Him in any way that is possible. And no matter what happens, I will keep moving forward.

I choose to not settle into a routine that gets me nowhere any longer. Each day I want to be a little bit closer to God than I was the day before and each day I want to make a little more progress in doing His will. It is Him that created me and Him that I serve. I serve an awesome God!! Full of love and grace more than words can describe!

Love is more than an emotion. It is more than just hollow words uttered out of obligation. It is a verb. It encompasses every aspect of who God is and who He wants us to be. Love in its purist form has no boundaries and no conditions. It is an unwavering devotion and an illogical affection.

For those of us that don't have a "special someone" this valentines day, let us remind ourselves of loves true meaning and true origin. True love comes from God. He created us to love Him and He is the greatest valentine anyone could receive. He sacrificed his son because of his love so that we could be with Him despite our sins. And He gave us the freedom of choice because true love requires us choosing and not being forced.


1 Corinthians 13
1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

So, not too much excitement lately but enough to keep me from going insane. I am working on some computer certifications in order to attempt to find a job in the IT industry. That is going pretty well so far (nothing too difficult).

I have also been making a few changes in my life lately. I have decided the thing that has been dragging me down lately is just being stuck in the same routine all of the time. So, I have been trying to do things to better my situation in life instead of just sitting here everyday and conforming to the shedule and routines that are my life. The main step I am taking is actually just praying a lot and asking God for direction. I am taking time to remember that its not about me but it is for Him that I live. I am putting a lot more energy into the passions that He has given me for ministry and for music and I am having a blast learning new guitar techniques and I am even actually learning to play the piano/keyboard.

I am also doing things to look out for my health and help me not to feel so drained of energy all of the time (I also need to lose a few pounds). I have cut down on the junk that I eat and I have also cut down on the amount of soda's I drink (Dr Pepper I'll miss you!!). I am not cutting anything completely out because I think that is what makes people go back and continue their old eating and nutrition habits even more. I am, however, eating a lot healthier foods. I have also decided to be more active when I can. I am not committing to a difficult workout routine but instead I am just getting out more and using more of my energy by not sitting at a computer desk all day every day.

Well, I'm really not sure where I am going with this post but I wanted to start updating this blog more often so there it is. I might update again later today. Until then God Bless!!